T Minus One Week

Next week at this time, Owen's bladder surgery will be over. (Knocking on wood because any more postponing and I am going to lose it.) I can make it another week right? At some points during the day I really am not so sure. I am having a terribly difficult time right now. There is just so much worry, I have to work hard to occupy my mind, distract myself and think positively. There are just so many what-ifs, and if you know me you know that I am really good at getting caught up in what-ifs. You would think I would have learned by now that it really is not helpful.

Today was a particularly hard day. Owen's surgery was supposed to be today. If things had gone as planned, we would be in the hospital right now on the path to learning our new "normal". However, if things had gone as planned, we would be in the hospital right now with a little boy who just had very major surgery and whose doctor would be leaving to go out of town before said boy was even released from the hospital. This is what is best for Owen, and for that reason I will make it one more week.

Today was difficult for another reason. One year ago today Owen had his very first surgery. After a 10 day course of very strong antibiotics to knock out his near fatal infection, he had his vesicostomy. It was the scariest day of my life, exept perhaps the day he crashed and was rushed to the hospital. Either way, it makes the top 2. Looking back, as terrible as it was and as hard as this past year has been, on this day last year Owen was given a chance. He was given the chance to thrive and become the wonderful little boy that his is today. He was given the chance to have 2 healthy kidneys with minimal scarring and normal function. On this day last year Owen showed us what a fighter he is and he hasn't stopped since. He is my little tiger. I've said it before, I don't want him to have to fight and I hate watching him fight, but I am so happy that he did and continues to fight. I know he will do the same this time around, and we will be right there with him.