Change in plans.

I have been wanting to blog about this for several days. I couldn't. I don't know if I can now. I expect this to be a mostly factual post. Most people can't understand the emotion I feel about this change in plans and the reasoning.

Owen was supposed to have his bladder reconstruction/ureter reimplantation surgery on October 12. I got a call on Monday from Judy, telling me that it has been pushed back to October 19. I immediately started to sob. I was in Kohl's of all places and sat right down on the floor in the bedding section and sobbed. Luckily my mom and my friend Andie were there to peel me from the floor and take me to the car.

Reason for the change: his surgeon, everyone's favorite urologist, Dr. Gazak will be away at a conference Wednesday through Friday of next week. Last Friday he and his nurse Judy were reviewing his schedule. She said to him, "Oh, Dr. Gazak, you have Owen's reconstruction that Monday before you leave." They discussed it, they mulled it over, apparently he didn't know what to do. He called Judy Sunday night at home and said, "I can't do it. You are going to have to call them (us) and tell them I can't do it. I can't operate on Owen and then leave town. I have to close of a personal relationship with this family. I can't do Owen and then leave."

So I cried in Kohl's for several reasons:

1. As soon as "Dr. Gazak" showed up on my cell phone I knew something was up. I don't get social calls from his office.

2. It was touching to me that he cares enough that he would not just perform a major operation on my son and then leave town. It spoke volumes about his commitment to Owen, to our family. It proved to me that all of the things I thought were there in the relationship really are there. I'm not nutty, he cares about Owen. The relationship I thought we had is real. It spoke volumes about what a wonderful doctor he is, which I already knew. I didn't think it was possible, but my trust in him has increased exponentially.

3. It is impossible to prepare yourself to ever send your child into surgery. Trust me, this will be my 6th time doing it. (Once with Carter, this will be the 5th time with Owen) It NEVER gets easier. Owen's first 3 surgeries were emergent. We didn't get to pick a date in the future. We didn't wait for the next opening, it needed to be done ASAP. His lip surgery was not that way, it was the first time I got a call saying, "Mrs. B does this date work for you for your son's surgery?" Um, no. No date works for me for my son's surgery. I don't want my son to have surgery. Yeah, I get it he has to. We didn't have a choice. The surgeries saved his life. Still, I don't want him to have to go through it and I hate watching him go through it more than anything. He has to go through it again. I will be there for him, I will so what is best for him. What is best for him is for the surgery to be moved to the 19th. Still, as prepared as it is possible for me to be, I was prepared for the surgery on the 12th. I know it is just a date. I know it wouldn't have been any easier on the 12th than it will be on the 19th. It is just the change. I'm not having an easy time with the change.

4. I cry. A lot.

Owen's will now be having his bladder reconstruction/ureter reinsertion on October 19 at 7 am. It is major surgery, the most major that he has had. There is just so much, too much to convey. He will get through it, we all will. It is going to be hard, but no harder than it would have been on the 12th. Now to just get to the 19th, and get past the 19th.