Then and Now

I couldn't write this post yesterday. In fact, I am having trouble writing it now. But writing it is better than having it bounce around in my head. Ok, that won't totally stop.

Then:       Four years ago, yesterday Owen was 5 weeks old. It was the first of a string of terrible days, but ultimately the worst day of my life. He was not eating well and doing a heck of a lot of spitting up. We were on our second acid reflux medicine, about to switch to the third. I was letting the doctor make these changes even thought I knew it wasn't acid reflux because, well he was the doctor. (I've obviously learned my lesson too follow my guy and question anything that doesn't seem right). The morning of October 4, 2008, Wes fed Owen some formula. We were supplementing the milk he was getting from me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't feed him the formula for a lot of reasons that I know now were pretty ridiculous. I'm thankful that I have an understanding husband who fed him the formula without saying anything to me, and dealt with a bit of crazy coming from his postpartum wife. Owen spit up, and when I can downstairs Wes told me that he had fallen asleep and was in he pack n play. Something made me go check on him. He wasn't asleep. He lay there with his eyes wide open. I turned on the light and saw that my baby was a very frightening shade of grey and non-responsive. Off to the hospital, then critical care life transported to a hospital downtown where he took up temporary residence in the PICU. If you know us, you know that this was merely the beginning of a very long road. We have not reached the end of the road, but feel blessed that the life threatening stuff is over. We feel especially blessed to have this brave little boy in our lives. He makes us laugh every day and has taught us things that we certainly didn't ask to learn, but we are better people for it.

 
Now:       Owen celebrated his 4th birthday at the end of August. He is healthy and thriving. He is loving his new school and doing so well. When I meet new people and something comes up about Owen's birth defects, the most common reaction is shocked. (This has happened a lot recently when I talk about our Walk for Wishes team. I'll be blogging about that very soon.) Yup, he looks just like any other 4 year old boy, unless of course you notice his leg length discrepancy. Speaking of his leg, he has recently been telling Wes that his leg gets tired (the short one). We have an appointment with his orthopedist on October 29. I hate this, I don't want to do it. Yes, I know I have to do it. Yes, I know that even though the leg surgeries are going to be awful and difficult, we will get through this too. Wes thinks it may be time for a lift in his shoe since he has grown. I am terrified that she will want to do the surgery now or soon. I really can't think about it or I could actually drive myself crazy.
Now for the good news. We had Owen's annual urology appointment on September 13. I dread it every year. Any mother whose child has had a serious or life-threatening illness knows the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe the reflux is back. Maybe his kidneys won't look the way they should on the ultrasound. To add to the normal worry, Dr. Gazak is now retired and this was our first time seeing the new urologist. Frankly, I was very upset. I wanted Dr. Gazak. I have put so much trust into him. He literally became like a member or our family. Well, that wasn't an option so I did what was best for Owen. I sucked it up and took him to see the new doctor. He's good. He's nice. I felt like he talked down to me a bit, but he doesn't know how knowledgeable I became about Owen's bladder defect. And maybe I was looking for a flaw because I felt like I was cheating on Dr. Gazak. Most importantly, the visit couldn't have gone better. His labs looked great, all of the levels in his blood were on the low end of normal. I already knew that going in because I know what all the numbers are supposed to be. This means he STILL has normal kidney function. No way should that be the case, but it is and I am thankful beyond words. Even better, his ultrasound looked great. The other shoe did not drop. A huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders, and he doesn't have to go back until next year. Thank God!